Bachelor Recap Week Four

Wait….the show opened in the house? WHERE IS SEAN WORKING OUT WITH HIS SHIRT OFF? Super disappointed and it’s only 8:02… oh jk they waited until 2 minutes in and for making us wait we not only get him topless but also with a hott pair of briefs. Yum.


Selma gets the first date card of the week. She’s already talking about having his babies. They’ve had no date yet. Leslie cries because she wanted the date. First tears 3 minutes in. This is gunna be a good one I can feel it..

Selma says she can’t dance with a partner. She also mentions that she’s 110 pounds.. funny that’s how much I weighed in high school. They pull up to a plane and she’s casually laying in his lap as if they’ve been dating for months. Side note: on the plane ride to Costa Rica, I snuggled up to the window seat about to try as we hit turbulence  my boyfriend watched a movie. Again, it’s like I’m looking into a mirror of my life.

They land in a desert. She’s freaking out because she hates the heat (maybe she’ll melt?). She claims she feels “puffy”. What does that even mean? She does not seem to fit into this active lifestyle of his, yet here she goes attempting to rock climb. It’s not like the rock climb with the plastic foot holes. It’s an actual boulder. I’m shocked that she climbed this monster. I can imagine she felt amazing accomplishing this, but not my idea of a romantic date. How did they get down from the rock they just climbed?! Helicopter? Did they have to climb back down? Curious.. (I tweeted him and asked. I doubt he’ll answer but it’s worth a shot). Part 2 of the date involves a lot less “glam” and a lot more “white trash”. But to be fair, the RVs are pretty pimped out (PIMP MY RV? Interested, MTV?!). Too bad she wasted her pretty dress on this dinner date. Sean speculates they’re gunna kiss at the end of the night. Selma thinks kissing him on national TV is not something she wants to do because she grew up in a strict Muslim home. I give her a week before she gives into him even though she says otherwise. Selma gets the rose. They hug and he gives her this cute little kiss on the forehead.

Lindsay, Robyn, Jackie, Catharine, Amanda, Ashlee, Sara, Tierra: “I’m looking for a woman who can roll with the punches”.  The lucky gals get to go on a roller derby date. Definitely something I’d wanna try one day. The ladies sit in the limo sipping mimosas. I think they’d re-think that choice of getting wasted if they knew what the date was going to entail. I’m nervous for one-armed Sarah, she will totes be at a disadvantage with only one elbow to use (sorry that sounded mean, I really do like her).  Tierra is excited to get her aggression out on the bitches. Robyn already busted her ass before they even get to play (flashback to her getting out of the limo). Seems to be the theme of the date – they’re all falling. It’s hilarious. Sarah is seriously struggling, as I said she would. She’s crying. I feel terrible. AshLee cheers her on which is super sweet because it IS a competition and she doesn’t have to be nice to her.  She pretty much says “fuck this, I’m in” and tries again. Super a trooper. Amanda wipes out and knocks her chin on the floor. That’s what you get for being a cocky bitch, bitch. #sorrynotsorry. The medic says she could’ve broken her jaw. I have a feeling she had one too many mimosas…and she’s off to the hospital. Sean feels bad and doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt so he turns the game into a free skating party.

The girls trade in their skates for heels and head off to dinner atop a fancy rooftop bar. Sarah gets time with him and says she was embarrassed but thanks him for being so great about the way she acted at the rink. Amanda comes back and is okay, no breaks just pain. She decides to “milk the sympathy card”.  I really don’t like her.

Cut to the house to see who gets a one on one date – Leslie H (the one who cried at the begininng) “Could this be forever”. She gets a pair of bling bling earrings to wear as well. This must be some fancy shmancy date. Selma must be mad that she had dinner near an RV park and Leslie has these super expensive earrings to wear.

On the rooftop, Tierra catches an attitude. Shocker. She tells Sarah she hates it here and she’s about to walk out. She talks to a producer and says she wants to leave. I think she’s doing this just for the attention to hear him ask her to stay. Moar tears. Sean is about to get in the hottub when he spots Tierra crying like a crazy woman. She says how she’s breaking down and is freaking out and blah blah blah. He says he’d be sad if she left. She says he’s still the guy she came here for and wants her time without all the other ladies. He leaves, she smirks because her plan worked. The tears and the drama ..and she’s gunna get the rose. This betch knows how to play the game. Bravo. I don’t like her, but bravo girll.

Leslie H (Poker Dealer?!) is ready to get out of the house for her first real date with Sean. “I’d rather have me and Sean together forever than these diamond earrings”.. I’d rather have Sean AND the diamonds, thanksssss 🙂 Diggin’ Sean’s sexy outfit with his little vest. Leslie is getting a princess date – shopping on Rodeo Drive. Ummm yes please! Sean says this is every girl’s dream. Sean is correct, especially if said girl is not picking up the tab. Leslie grabs ONE dress at first. I would’ve grabbed them all and had myself a little fashion show. “Winner winner chicken dinner.” Leslie’s little lines show me she’s kind of a nerd (“holy moly batman”). I am not so much a fan of the dress she picked but DAMN that necklace…HO-LY SHIT. 120 cts of diamonds. My luck if I had that on, the clasp would break and the necklace would fall into my soup at dinner (#reasonswhyIcouldneverbeonthisshow).

— commercial break and mom complains there should be a “old people bachelor”… no words. —

Leslie says “holy moly” again.. Does that turn guys on? Leslie talks about how she dated someone for 7 years and thought she was going to marry him but they grew apart. Her laugh is awkward. I don’t not-like her but I don’t love her. I don’t see her and Sean working out. Clearly I’m on his wavelength because I don’t think he’ll feel the romance between them. I think it’s going to be hard for him to not offer her this rose. He tells her he doesn’t feel the “click”. Bye Leslie H!

The girls take Leslie being sent home as a reality check that they all won’t be there forever. Tierra flaunts the rose to the camera. She reminds me A LOT of Courtney from Ben’s season. Sean is clearly diggin’ AshLee. Robyn is set on grabbing his attention tonight, but without falling out of the limo. That pick up line was TURRIBLE. But she got a kiss out of it anyway. What’s Amanda wearing? Vomcity. Especially with that rat’s nest on her head. Tierra pulls two of the girls out to talk to them. Tierra drama. Over it. I hope he does something wild and like takes the rose back from her and just sends her home or something because she’s getting on my LAST nerve.  Catharine finally gets some time which is great because I feel like we don’t see enough of her. She’s classy and doesn’t kiss him in front of the other girls.

Rose ceremony:
Catharine, Des, Lindsey, Lesley, Robyn, AshLee,  Sarah, Jackie, Daniella

WOOP. Bye Amanda. We won’t miss you.

Favorites: Lesley, AshLee, Des, Sarah, Selma

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