The Bachelor Recap Week 1

My first live blog/bachelor recap. I’m excited to be taking on this project since the bachelor has been a #guiltypleasure of mine for a long long time.  These posts will be long – it’s a 2 hour show – so bare with me.. or don’t! And tweet me any feedback/responses/comments/hateful bashing if you feel it needed (@donk2).

“For Sean Lowe it’s a second chance of love and no one deserves it more”

Oh Chris Harrison your loving words warm my pathetic heart.

This season starts off showing how dramatic/bitchy/catty/desperate these 25 woman are going to be. To quote my mother “Same as always”. And just when I was getting upset about how this season will be like all the rest, the camera pans to a shirt-less Sean and my mouth drops. I’m officially intrigued. Flashback to the night Sean gets sent home on Emily’s season and he’s holding back tears. Nothing more attractive than a vulnerable hottie. He then goes on to say how he wants to love and cherish his wife…but I was too busy staring at his 6 pack to really pay attention to anything he was saying.

Commercial break #1: Stalking everything Sean Lowe says on twitter and swooning with mom over how hott he is. I have a feeling this will be my new Monday night routine. So much for working out every night..

Cut to Arie and Sean hanging out together. Talk about the cutest #bromance I’ve ever seen. Their segment made my day. Sad, but true.

“I obviously can’t see it’s not you it’s me..because it’s obviously going to be them”.
Classy. Super classy. I mean if you’re dumping a bitch on the show it’s usually because shes a bit of a crazypants.

A few woman intro tapes ->

Desire: wants her missing puzzle piece and fireworks. and is a spaz.
Tara: is in love with being in love and has a super cute puppy. I like her already!
Robin: smart working woman who does back flips.
Diana : kinda looks like Snooki. has 2 kids and is divorced.
Sarah : an advertising designer who has one arm. the first amputee on the show.
Ashley P: can’t find a boyfriend. crazy cat lady. obsessed with Christian Grey.
Lesley: DC lady who hates nerds and politicians, southerner at heart.
Kristy : model. calling it now she will be THE head bitch of the season.
AshLee F: OCD organizer. cried during the interview. I have a feeling it won’t be the first time we see tears from her

And here comes the #LimoOfSkanks (hashtag credit to Samy). Let see who makes a fool of themselves

AshLee F: corny opening line. pretty red dress.
Jackie: super cutie. left her mark on his cheek.
Selma: pulled a tissue out of her cleavage. stuffed bra? huge boobs.
Leslie H: called Sean a hunk. who uses that word anymore? no one.
Daniella: secret handshake? lame.
Kelly: oh hay fake tan singing a song. oof.
Katie: looks really old for her age. doubt she will last long.
Ashley P:  pulled out a grey tie….Sean seems #unimpressed
Taryn: classy lady. gold star for Taryn.
Catherine: hunk AGAIN?! said nothing of interest. womp. next.
Robyn: EPIC FAIL backflip in a gown. talk about lasting impression.
Lacey: heart of lace. original? not really. I don’t dig the little gift things. What do they even do with them?
Paige: Jumbotron Operator. badass job.
Tierra: little nugget who is not a size 2. finally. Sean says BRB and offers her the first impression rose right away. smart man I like his judgement already.

*is that a rose? did she come with that?* #hatersgunnahate #letthedramabegin #animalattackontheeyeballs

Back out to MOAR limos…
Amanda: getting the awkward pause out of the way…a little too long. I was uncomfortable watching that.
Keriann: and I would walk 500 miles….also her hair bothered me. moving along.
Desiree: aka Dez. wish in the fountain. that’s kinda cute, I dig it.
Sarah: super cute even with one arm.
Brooke: did she purr in his ear? I think so…
Diana: rockin’ a Katniss side braid. forgets to introduce herself.
Lesley: football! and she gets a nice view of Sean’s ass. smart lady.
Kristy: the best from the midwest. VOM.
Ashley H:  her voice bothered me. sick dress.
Lauren: Italian. wants to fatten up Sean and says her father will break his legs if he hurts her. stop it.
and the winner of the craziest bitch of the evening goes to LINDSAY who showed up in the wedding dress. she went in for the first kiss before saying her name. Sean was caught off guard to say the least.

#26 / surprise last person is….KACIE B. I read spoilers (obviously) so this was not a shock for me. but damn she has nice legs… that the woman are just going to tear off her and beat her with.

Cue bitchy talk and gossiping while Sean does his one-on-one chats with the women.

Desiree gets rose #2. Someone else gets rose #3. Everyone is pissed that the rules are changing. Selma gets #4. GAME ON BITCHES. One after one he gives roses during the cocktail party instead of waiting til the rose ceremony. Sean trying to be a badass and make his own rules. Good for him.

Lindsay aka girl in the wedding dress is wasted. “I wish I was more sober”. This is a girl after my own heart making a fool of herself night 1. Something I KNOW I would be doing if I were in her situation. (read more about that here). Then 50 Shades cray cray Ashley P is booty dancin’ all over the place and is “a lot to take in”. I wonder if my boyfriend feels that way about me when I drop it like it’s hot in the club. Just kidding…not really.

Taryn sheds the first tears of the season when she is scared to open up and doesn’t wanna fight over the guy. Too bad she is such a baby because she gave me a great first impression. She won’t last long if she can barely keep it together the first night. Sarah is also insecure, probably because she has one arm, which is super depressing because she’s beautiful. She grows some balls and takes some time with Sean where she opens up about being born with one arm. Major kudos for taking that leap, gurl. Rose to Sarah!!!! WOOP. Get it.

Rose ceremony time, even though he gave out a bunch of roses already.
Adios 50 Shades of Cray! See ya later JumboTron Operator!

All in all, I’m satisfied with the picks tonight. I think Sean has a good head on his shoulders and will ultimately make good decisions. Really looking forward to the season ahead!

To end, here are the girls from the end of tonight in ABC order:
Ashlee F
Lesley M
Leslie H


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