25 Reasons We Didn’t Call/Text You Back

Taken all from personal experiences of my close friends.

1. Because we’re not dating.
2. Because you told me to return the pool balls while you went to the bathroom… and I ended up paying $70 for your drinks and game of pool.
3. Because you didn’t pay for my $5 beer..that came with free pizza.
4. Because it was a first date and you used a Groupon.
5. Because you smelled and tasted like your fruity gum.
6. Because you left a rose on my doorstep with a card that read “signed, with the intent to love.”
7. Because you did not resemble your Facebook photos.
8. Because you brought up your ex..multiple times.
9. Because you had a small dick.
10. Because you told me you didn’t know why I was out with you. I don’t know why I was either.
11. Because you brought up the proctologist.
12. Because you have the inability to laugh and/or tell a joke.
13. Because you got wasted and puked on our date.
14. Because I gave you a blowie and you couldn’t find my clit with a map and a flashlight.
15. Because you stared at me and called me pretty…weird.
16. Because I decided to ask our bartender for his number instead.
17. Because you were cute when we were sitting down…but once you stood up I could’ve fit you in my pocket.
18. Because you brush off the inability to get it up because you were coming off a coke high.
19. Because you clearly smoked a lot of weed before our date.
20. Because after we made out and I left you proceeded to hit on BOTH of my best friends.
21. Because you had a speech impediment.
22. Because you were on your cell phone the entire time.
23. Because when I told you I had a good time at the end of the date you responded, “Did you really?!”
24. Because you debated with me reasons why we should be having sex even after I said hell no.
25. Because your credit card was declined.

Yea… this happened.

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